All Alone Again
by Eponizzle
Summary: Eponine sits outside the Rue Plumet, wondering where her life went wrong


There was nothing to live for anymore. She'd lost everything that ever meant something to her all in one swift movement. She'd pointed to the street, and everything she'd ever loved and cared about slipped away.  
  
Marius. He was gone forever, lost to the charms and graces of one "Cosette". Tears stung at the corners of her eyes as she recalled the moment only a few hours ago when she brought her beloved to meet the girl of his dreams. She could feel her heart still ripping in half.  
  
And then she lost her family. Without a second though she'd betrayed her father and mother and their friends. Why, she'd be lucky now if they ever thought of her again. She was as good as dead to them from then on, and she winced in pain to think of it. Not that she cared for them at all - good God, no - but everyone needs a family.  
  
Eponine wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Buck up, girl," she thought, "you never cry - why start now?" It was pointless, though; she couldn't have stopped the tears no matter what she tried. Before long the pain in her chest overcame her, and she sat on the curb to collect her thoughts.  
  
"This is just one more day spent by myself - it's not different from any other. He's never cared before, so it's not like I have something new to fear, right? Oh, God, I could have been so happy! If only he wasn't so pitiful and blind!" Eponine buried her face in her hands, shielding her eyes from the street around her.  
  
She had loved him from the moment he first spoke to her. It felt like a million year since that moment, but she remembered it as clearly as she remembered Christmas. That was back before everything fell apart - before her father had decided she needed to help; prior to Parnasse deciding that she was to be his new "pet;" back when she was with Enjolras.  
  
Eponine was almost startled to remember Enjy. It was strange to think of him as anything but the staunch anarchist he was now. In a way, it was like he was a different person than before. The Enjolras she had known was slightly crazy, completely spontaneous, and insanely horny. They were the most perfect couple - wild, passionate, devoted, and loving, all at once.  
  
And then it all fell apart.  
  
It was a Tuesday - she'd never forget that, and she didn't even know why. The two of them had woken up beside each other, as they did most mornings, and they lay in bed for several hours before even attempting to get up. Eponine's head spun; how had she ended up sitting on the pavement in rags after such a promising beginning?  
  
The clock struck noon, and Enjy finally rose to go to school. After all, every student needs to learn. Eponine threw on a robe and wandered around his empty home for several hours, waiting for his return.  
  
Back then, she was the apple of every man's eye. She'd never know what it was that had made her so goddamn appealing. She used to dream that she was actually beautiful. Of course, that was before Grantaire, and Jolly, and Fueilly, and Parnasse...before anyone but Enjolras.  
  
It was when he was gone that day that Eponine met Marius. She was wandering around the house, looking at random odds and ends - but never even contemplating taking one - when a sharp knock at the door roused her attention. It was a mystery to her what had made her answer the door, but somehow, she did.  
  
The contrast was immediate. While Enjolras was lean and strong, Marius was tall and lanky. His dark mop of coarse curls was so absurd in comparison to her Enjy's silky blonde locks, and Eponine still remembered how silly he looked. His vest seemed to be a little too small - and the fabric bore a remarkable resemblance to a couch cushion. She was about it dismiss him, when he spoke.  
  
"Ah, Eponine, I'm sorry; I didn't know you were here," and Marius turned to go.  
  
That was all it took. He said her name and she was gone. In one single instant she forgot Enjolras completely, and everything he'd ever done for her. It was like the world had finally begun for her at last. The gawky 20 year-old before her transformed into a handsome, sweet man whose only vice was his tendency to overlook the obvious. It didn't matter, though, because he was the only person in the world.  
  
Before he could leave Eponine called out to him, "How do you know my name?" She prayed he didn't hear the desperate need in her voice.  
  
If he did, though, he didn't betray it. His eyes met hers in a moment of sudden intensity, and Eponine instantly realized how bare she felt wearing nothing more than a simple kimono. The feeling didn't last long though; her insecurities melted when he spoke. "I know my friend sees a girl named Eponine, and from the looks of it, you must be her."  
  
It didn't matter at all that his words were slightly mocking - he had talked to her. He cared.  
  
Soon she left Enjolras, and the Enjy she knew died. A stern and principled man, who pretended not to recognize her when he saw her, replaced the fun, loveable boy he used to be. And Marius was blind. No matter what Eponine did, she couldn't get him to notice her - let alone love her.  
  
So she tried to make him jealous. Eponine saw other men, flirted mercilessly with them in front of him, and spent every moment wondering where he was. But none of that mattered to him. But suddenly, out of the blue, he began to look at her differently. Two years after their meeting, Marius stopped looking at Eponine like a little sister, and she dared to imagine that it was actual affection that she saw in his eyes. Until Cosette came.  
  
She lost him as quickly as she'd fallen for him.  
  
More tears fell down Eponine's cheeks. "Look at yourself. Look at where you started." It was times like these she wished she'd never left Enjolras - he had loved her in a way the Marius never could, but she was too stupid to return his passion. So here she was, alone on the pavement.  
  
And yet...she wasn't alone, not really. Eponine glanced at the streetlight through her tears, and each drop of water caught the light like a diamond. Brilliant colors shone in the falling rain and made the road glitter like it was paved with gold. For a moment, she forgot her pain. She watched the light play off the water and let the raindrops cool her from the summer heat. Gently, she closed her eyes and imagined she was with him. If she was completely still she could almost feel his arms around her. The only sound was the rain as it hit the ground, and Eponine wished the rest of her life could be so peaceful.  
  
But suddenly, it hit her. He wasn't there. Marius was at the barricade, fighting for his life. In a sudden panic, she leapt to her feet and ran towards the fighting - she wouldn't let him die alone. 


End file.
